reading time: 5 minutes
Words…
They proceed from our mouth but are not always understood by the ears of those who hear. Do you ever feel like your words are misunderstood? Or does your spouse hear your words but just seem to miss what you are saying? In marriage, this is a constant struggle for all couples. Some time ago my wife and I were having a pretty good conversation but it eventually turned into a humorous misunderstanding. And yes, we too, experience the other side of the conversation highway when a good conversation leads to a roadblock, or possibly a dead-end of frustration, and even anger.
What did you say!?
We began our conversation relaxed and sitting relatively face to face. Then I proceeded to get up to see about something in the kitchen and did as what many couples do, “walk and talk." Barbara then went to the laundry room, and I went to our master bedroom closet. We were still talking and trying to make out each other’s words. Then…she made a statement and repeated what I said. I then responded a little annoyed in the master bedroom closet, “That’s not what I said!” Then she said, “Did you just call me a meathead”? I then said humorously? No babe, I said, “That’s not what I said!” We both laughed and then she came to me and I repeated what I said. We continued laughing and thought of couples that may not be laughing at such a statement but actually become more distanced from one another due to constant misunderstanding.
Let’s break down my statement, “That’s not what I said”. When couples communicate in a non-face-to-face, non-level, and incongruent position they can easily misunderstand their mate. Factor in room location and design…hardwood floors with high ceilings who knows what you might hear. Barbara heard, the “what” and the “said” without hearing the “That’s not” or the “I”. So, hearing only those words, “what said” in her interpretation and combined with the improper room location and my tone of voice equals the word…”meathead."
God's Desire for Marital Communication
The skill of listening is so vital to a healthy relationship whereby both parties feel valued and understood. Fortunately, Barbara and I have learned and continue to learn healthy communication skills that create an atmosphere of intimacy and bonding. When couples also express grace and patience with one another there is great peace within the home. This is an attitude that can dramatically transform your marriage. We struggled early on in our marriage and found ourselves colliding at times instead of bonding. Most importantly, we are grateful for the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, Philippian 2:13 says, “it is God (the Holy Spirit) who is at work in you to will and act according to His purpose and pleasure” and healthy communication skills that can build a bonding relationship that is healthy and vibrant. Come join us sometime for one of our upcoming Abundant Marriage Workshops where couples can go on an adventure in their marriage in healthy communication skills. Couples come away closer and stronger which in turn greatly affects the overall atmosphere of their marriage and children.
In Him,
Tim
Have you ever had a situation like the one above?
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